


Looking and Touching

by MoonlitMusings



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Porn With Plot, and the smut isn't until the end and is totally skipable if that's not your thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 17:50:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlitMusings/pseuds/MoonlitMusings
Summary: When Akmazian shows up drunk in Ryan's quarters one night, Ryan can't help but be concerned. Especially since he finally admitted to himself that his feelings for him are more than just a crush. Actually, he should really do something about that. You know, eventually...





	Looking and Touching

**Author's Note:**

> Who wants another fic about these two getting together?! I did, so I wrote one. Hope you enjoy!

It was late when Ryan dragged himself back to his quarters. The guy who was supposed to be on call after him had broken a couple of his fingers, so he'd had to work a double shift. He was mentally and physically exhausted. He opened the door, and promptly jumped out of his skin at the figure that sat up on his couch.

“Doc! You're back! Was startin’ to worry you were workin’ all night.” Akmazian exclaimed.

“Akmazian?!” Ryan hissed, quickly closing the door behind him. “What the hell are you doing here?” Akmazian gave a shrug and a lopsided grin.

“Jus’ wanted t’ say hi.” Ryan’s eyes narrowed as he caught the slight slurring of his speech.

“Are you drunk?”

“No! No... Yes. Maybe. Jus’ a little.” He held up a mostly empty bottle of something. “Still got some if you want.”

“No, I'm fine,” Ryan said, taking the bottle. “And I think you probably are too.”

“I already know you’re fine, darlin’,” Akmazian replied, grinning a little wider. Ryan rolled his eyes. He looked at the bottle's label and grew concerned.

“How much of this have you drank tonight?”

“Mmmmm... 'bout a third, I think.”

“You drank a third of a bottle of Jardaran whiskey in one night?!” Akmazian waved a hand dismissively.

“‘M fine. ‘M no lightweight.”

“Clearly. If you were you’d probably be unconscious.” Ryan shook his head. He was too tired for this tonight, but he also couldn’t let Akmazian go back to the cargo bay unless he knew he’d be ok. He really didn’t want to go back to the med bay to sneak some of the pills to neutralize the alcohol, but... He sighed. “How long have you been drinking?” Akmazian looked thoughtful for a minute.

“Mmmmm... couple hours? Yeah, couple hours now.” Ryan looked at the bottle and did some quick mental math. Assuming Akmazian was about 200 lbs, 100 proof whiskey so 50% abv, little over 8 oz, 2 hours... well, assuming Akmazian was right about how much he’d drank and how long he’d been drinking, he wasn’t going to die of alcohol poisoning, but he also wasn’t in a state to be left alone. Ryan sighed and turned to grab a blanket from a cabinet, handing it to Akmazian.

“Here.”

“Blanket?”

“Yup. You’re sleeping here tonight.” Akmazian smiled in a way Ryan assumed was supposed to be seductive, but it was kind of ruined by his lack of coordination.

“Really, now? Didn’ expect to get a prop’sition from ya.”

“It’s not one. You’re taking the couch” Ryan replied, maybe a little too quickly. “I just want to make sure you don’t asphyxiate in your sleep.” Akmazian pouted a little.

“Awww... you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Darn.” Akmazian’s face gradually shifted back into an easy smile. “Still, didn’t know you cared.”

“What? About you possibly dying?” Akmazian shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t want you choking on your own vomit. Even if I didn’t care about you specifically, that’s a nasty way for anyone to go.”

“But you do care about me sp’cifically. ‘M glad. Care ‘bout you too.” Ryan swallowed and looked away, crossing his arms. He really wasn’t in the right headspace to deal with this tonight.

“Yeah, well, we are... friends, after all.”

“Are we?” Ryan looked back, a little surprised.

“Of course.” Akmazian’s smile went a little smaller and softer.

“Tha’s nice. ‘M glad.” Ryan looked away again, moving to turn the chair at his desk toward the couch, grabbing a book, and sitting down.

“You should really get some sleep.”

“Mmm... but I wanna stay up ‘n talk to ya.”

“We can talk once you’ve slept this off.” Akmazian sat quietly for a moment before nodding and laying down.

“M’kay. Talkin’ in the morning’s good, too.” Ryan nodded and opened his book, planning on staying up for a bit to keep an eye on him.

“Make sure you lay on your side.”

“M’kay.” It was a few minutes later when Akmazian spoke again. “Hey doc?” Ryan sighed and looked over at him.

“Yeah?”

"You're real pretty. You know that?" Ryan froze, and took a deep breath.

"Akmazian..."

"'S true. You're so pretty. Pretty eyes n’ a pretty smile n’ pretty hair... Pink hair! So cool. So pretty..."

"Akmazian, come on..."

"Sorry. I jus' like lookin' at ya. So nice to look at. Wanna touch, too, but I know you don' want me to. But tha’s okay. Lookin's good too."

"A-Akmazian-"

"No, no, 's fine. I don' mind. Glad I get to look at ya. Lucky I get to look at someone so pretty. Get to talk to ya n' spend time with ya... 's nice." Ryan felt his stomach knot. Akmazian was just so sincere. He had this earnest, resigned smile on his face. Like he genuinely felt lucky to just be in the same room together.

_Wanna touch, too, but I know you don' want me to._

But what if Ryan did want him to? What if he wanted to touch back? He'd been fighting this attraction for months, and his willpower was wearing thin. He'd denied any attraction from the start, but after taking that shore leave, well... his ability to deny it had only grown weaker ever since. He'd moved on to thinking it was just a little crush. Inconvenient, sure, but it would go away eventually, right? Except it seemed like every minute spent with Akmazian only made it worse. And now here he was: open, vulnerable, and staring at Ryan like he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. It would be so easy to just give in. To go over and kiss that resigned smile off his face and turn it into something brighter. But... no. He couldn't do that. Not right now, at least. Because the only reason Akmazian was saying any of this was because he was drunk. Hell, with how drunk he was, he might not even remember if Ryan did kiss him. No, if he was gonna do this, and he still wasn't sure, then he had to do it right. Akmazian yawned, breaking Ryan out of his thoughts.

“Alright, Imma actually go to sleep, now. Jus’ wanted t’ tell ya how pretty ya look. ‘N thanks for lettin’ me stay here.” Ryan cleared his throat.

“Yeah, yeah of course. Goodnight, Akmazian.”

“G’night, darlin’.”

Ryan stayed up for a few more hours, trying to read, watching Akmazian sleep, and thinking. After this much time, he’d pretty much accepted that his feelings weren’t going away anytime soon. The question was, did he want to act on it? He had to admit the awkwardness he felt around Akmazian with things being how they were was inconvenient. And, well... he knew how Akmazian felt about him, at least he was pretty sure he did, and he had a sneaking suspicion that the loneliness and isolation were getting to him. In short, this was something he was reasonably sure they both wanted. And sure, Ryan knew he wasn’t _supposed_ to want it, but the reasons for that were shaky at best. Akmazian was innocent, after all. At least of the terrorism charges. And the smuggling was really just out of necessity. A man had to make a living after all, right?

Ryan groaned. He was rationalizing and he knew it. Akmazian was a criminal, plain and simple. But did it really matter when he’d been practically forced into it? He stared at the sleeping man on his couch. In all, he’d probably caused less harm than Levi had. No, scratch that. He’d _definitely_ caused less harm than Levi had. Really, the biggest problem with dating Akmazian, and wow he was seriously considering _dating Akmazian_ , was the secrecy. Because it’s not like they could just go out for a date. Not until his name got cleared. Could Ryan do that? Hide his relationship from, well, everyone? Sneak around like a teenager? Dinner dates in the cargo bay, coffee in his quarters? He didn’t know. But looking at Akmazian sleeping there, well, he thought he might be willing to try. He made a decision. He was going to tell him. You know, eventually...

 

 

Despite how late Ryan had gone to bed the night before, he still woke up before Akmazian the next morning. He tried to get ready as quietly as possible. With the hangover the poor guy was gonna have when he woke up, he needed all the rest he could get. Actually... Ryan thought he might be able to help with that. He put a glass of water, a granola bar, and some ibuprofen on his desk, and quietly left for the med bay. He might have to fudge a little paperwork, but nothing major.

He came back about 20 minutes later to find Akmazian sitting on the couch with the garbage can on the floor next to him, nursing the water, and looking miserable.

“Hey there,” Ryan greeted. Akmazian groaned.

“Darlin’, you have a lovely voice, but if you could use it a bit more quietly, I’d really appreciate it.” Ryan chuckled.

“Well,” he said, a little quieter, “what if I told you I have something that should make you feel better?” Akmazian looked over at him.

“And what might that be?” Ryan held up a backpack, and pulled a clear plastic bag full of fluid out of it.

“IV.”

“...An IV?”

“Hydration solution, specifically. Saline solution, some sugar, electrolytes, nothing better for a bad hangover.”

“That so?”

“Yup. Ask any med student. Everyone’s had a friend hook them up after a bender at some point.”

“Including you?” Ryan huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah, including me. Now, hold out your arms. I need to see which side has better veins.” Akmazian obediently held out both arms, and Ryan looked at them, fingers gently brushing over the crook of each elbow. “Hm, alright, let’s go with the right arm.” Ryan busied himself getting everything ready, hanging the bag, getting the tubing ready, and Akmazian watched. Ryan finally noticed when he went to put on the tourniquet. “What?”

“What, what?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Akmazian shrugged.

“I just... didn’t expect you to go through all this trouble is all. It’s just a hangover. A bad hangover, but nothin’ I can’t deal with.” Ryan shrugged.

“It’s not a big deal. Like I said last night, you’re my friend. I don’t mind helping you out.” Akmazian looked off to the side.

“Right, friends. I... Thanks.” He looked back, and Ryan’s breath caught at the sincerity in his eyes. “I really appreciate it.” It was Ryan’s turn to look away, focusing on making sure the tourniquet was on right, pulling on gloves, and cleaning the area.

“Like I said, it’s not a big deal.” He got the needle ready. “This is goona hurt a little.”

“Can’t be worse than my head, right now.” Ryan smirked.

“I’m sure.” He stuck the needle, and within a couple minutes, Akmazian was laying back, IV steadily pumping fluid into his arm. “You won’t feel better right away, but you should start to feel it soon. It’ll take about an hour to get through the bag, and you’ll definitely be feeling better by then. You might start to feel a little worse again in a few hours, but not nearly as bad as if you had nothing. As long as you stay hydrated though, you’ll be fine.” Ryan went back and sat in his desk chair, spinning around to face Akmazian. “So, what had you drinking so much last night, anyways?” Akmazian shrugged.

“Just one of those nights. Felt like having a drink, then felt like another, and, well, before you know it your whisky’s nearly gone, and you’re thinkin’ it might be nice to talk to someone over the last of it.” Ryan looked at him, concerned.

“I know those kind of nights, Akmazian. They don’t usually come out of nowhere. What’s up?” Akmazian didn’t meet his gaze.

“They don’t usually, but sometimes they do. Nothin’ you need to worry about, Doctor Dalias.” Ryan frowned.

“You know, you can call me Ryan. I think we know each other well enough by now to be on a first-name basis.” Akmazian smiled a little, but it looked... sad, somehow.

“Whatever you say, Ryan.” He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, and Ryan took it as a sign the conversation was done for the time being. He pulled out the book he had started the night before and settled in. Pretty soon, however, he admitted to himself he wasn’t going to be able to focus on the words. He couldn’t stop thinking about the man lying on the couch across from him. Why did Akmazian never call him by his first name? Was it just a habit? Or was there another reason? You’d think if he was comfortable flirting the way he did, he wouldn’t feel the need to do something as formal as go by titles and last names. And what was with the drinking? Granted, he didn’t spend a lot of time with him, but he didn't think Akmazian was the type to randomly decide to get plastered. In the back of Ryan’s head, he had a sneaking suspicion he knew what it might be. His mind drifted back to his thoughts from the night before, worrying about the isolation getting to Akmazian.

 _“It’s cold and lonely down there”,_ he had said once. Sure, it had been teasing, but Ryan knew there was probably more than a grain of truth to it. And, well, it’s not like he would be unwilling to provide some company. He’d decided last night he was going to tell Akmazian how he felt eventually. But, well, maybe eventually could be sooner rather than later.

 

 

Around an hour later, Akmazian was unhooked from the IV, and was looking and feeling a lot better. He stood and stretched once Ryan finished bandaging his arm.

“Thanks again for this, doc. You really didn’t have to.” Ryan waved a hand.

“Really, like I said, it’s no problem.”

“That may be, but I still appreciate it.”

“More than happy to help.” Akmazian smiled as he put on his cloak.

“See you around, darlin’.” He turned to leave, and Ryan reached out and put a hand on his shoulder on impulse. It was the “darlin’” that did it.

“Wait.” Akmazian turned around, confused.

“What is it?”

“I- there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“Oh? What’s that?” Ryan floundered. He wasn’t usually one to be completely speechless, but he had no clue where to start with this. Akmazian looked at him, growing concerned.

“Doc?”

“I, um... Oh, screw it.” He stepped forward, grabbed Akmazian by his cloak, and pulled him down into a kiss. For a second, Akmazian didn’t respond, and Ryan started to get worried. But gradually, he started to kiss back, his hands coming to rest lightly on Ryan’s hips. Ryan pressed himself closer, flicking his tongue against Akmazian’s lips. Akmazian gasped, and Ryan took the opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. He kissed him with everything he had, all of the desire and frustration that had been building inside him pouring out. When he finally pulled back, he was breathing hard, and Akmazian was staring at him in wonder.

“That’s, um... that’s what I wanted to tell you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I um, I’m sorry it took so long. I-”

“No! No, it’s... I never expected... I... That is, I didn’t think you...” He seemed to get frustrated, looking for the right words. “Pardon if the question seems silly, I just wanna make sure we’re being absolutely clear with each other. What exactly did that mean?” Ryan swallowed. He’d hoped the kiss would get enough across that he wouldn’t have to try to put his feelings into words.

“It... It meant... that I’m interested? In you? In... us? In us being an “us”? I... It means I don’t think of you as a friend. Or, I do, but not... platonically? I... honestly I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I just, I know that I have feelings for you. And that it’s not just a crush. I... I want to try this. With you. Try being an “us” with you.” Ryan couldn’t think of anything else to say, but he hoped that jumbled mess had gotten the message across. He went in for another kiss.

Akmazian pulled away slightly, a pleading, almost scared look in his eyes.

"Now don't... don't tease me, Ryan."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Look, I'm serious. Are you sure? Like really, _really_ sure? Because if you're not, or if you're just looking for a one-time thing or something, then I don't... I... I can't do that for ya. I'd do just about anything for ya, but I can't... I couldn't do that." Akmazian’s voice broke on the last word, and Ryan’s heart broke along with it. Slowly, he leaned in for another kiss, making sure Akmazian had time to pull away if he wanted. Their lips met for a few blessed seconds, this time softly and sweetly, before Ryan pulled away, though only by an inch. Then, he said the two most beautiful words Akmazian had ever heard.

"I'm sure."

 

  
It was a bit of an awkward start, as well as a slow one. Like Ryan had considered before, they couldn’t exactly go out around other people. Mostly, Ryan started spending more time in the cargo bay, and Akmazian started spending more time in Ryan’s quarters. They ate together, talked, watched movies. All in all, they were both surprised at how... normal it felt. Alone together, they could almost forget this was a secret; that Akmazian was still a fugitive and Ryan was risking his livelihood by just being around him. A week went by, and then another, and the more time they spent together, the more sure they felt. And then, one night after dinner in the cargo bay, Ryan invited Akmazian back up to his quarters for some coffee. And the way he looked at Akmazian when he said it... Akmazian had the feeling the night might not stop at that. He would’ve been embarrassed about how quick and enthusiastic his “yes” was, if it wasn’t for the grin Ryan gave him when he said it.

 

 

Akmazian couldn’t believe what was happening. He had to be dreaming. It was definitely a dream he’d had before. Laying on Ryan’s bed with the man himself above him, kissing him, touching him, hips grinding down to create the most amazing friction... His dreams had never been this vivid though. The hot breath against his skin, the slight scrape of stubble just starting to grow, the smell of Ryan everywhere... No, this was really happening. He was really making out with Ryan Dalias. He had to admit, if he had to pick a dream to come true, this would be it. He felt a sudden sharp pressure as Ryan bit down where his neck met shoulder, and gasped.

“Ryan,” he groaned.

“Sorry. Too much?”

“God, no. Not at all. Keep on doing that as much as you like.” Ryan grinned, and damn if that wasn’t a beautiful look on him.

“In that case...” He ducked his head down and went back to biting and sucking at the spot. Akmazian knew there was going to be a hell of a mark there afterwards, and the thought sent a shiver through him. He wanted to return the favor, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to, for the same reason he was canting his hips up so tentatively, and reminding himself to loosen his grip on Ryan’s shirt. He was so damn nervous Ryan was gonna change his mind. To suddenly realize that no, he didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be here with this criminal. He was better than this. Plus, Akmazian didn’t want to push too far or take too much. He’d wanted this for so long, he was terrified of losing it, or messing it up. No, he would just lay back and let Ryan take the lead, and happily take whatever he decided to give.

Ryan removed his teeth from Akmazian’s neck, and kissed the dark bruise he'd left. The tenderness of the gesture sent a surge of warmth through Akmazian’s chest. He turned and leaned up, silently asking for another kiss. Ryan eagerly met him halfway, kissing him messily and enthusiastically, and maybe even a little desperately. When Ryan pulled away, both of them were panting. One of Ryan’s hands came up and toyed with the collar of Akmazian's shirt.

“Do, um... do you want to...” His voice trailed off, but the slow, deliberate roll of his hips said everything clearly enough. Akmazian’s breath caught in his throat.

“God, yes. If, I mean- only if you want to,” he added, hurriedly. Ryan breathed out a short laugh.

“I do, yeah.” He leaned down to press a series of kisses along Akmazian's jaw. “I really,” kiss, “really,” kiss, “do,” kiss. Ryan’s hands slid down Akmazian’s chest and belly as he sat up, straddling him, before they slipped under his shirt. Despite his best efforts, Akmazian let out a small whimper at the skin-to-skin contact. Once Ryan had pushed the shirt up as far as he could, Akmazian sat up a little so he could pull it off completely. Then Ryan pulled off his own. Akmazian couldn’t help but stare. All that swimming had done the doctor good. He knew he was lean, but now he saw that every muscle in his arms and torso was lightly toned, and they flexed slightly as he tossed the shirt aside and leaned down to kiss Akmazian again.

The contact was intoxicating. Bodies pressed together, warm hands roaming across bare skin, and then Ryan started kissing down Akmazian’s neck, and chest, and belly, and oh, holy fuck, those were hands undoing his belt, and brushing against his straining cock through his pants. Ryan had Akmazian’s button and zipper undone when Akmazian reached down and put a hand on top of Ryan’s, stilling them. Ryan looked up, confused.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just...” Akmazian cleared his throat. “You’re really sure about this?” Ryan smiled and nodded.

“Completely.” Ryan cracked a grin. “Besides, you’ve seen mine. It’s about time I saw yours, right?” Akmazian let out a strangled laugh that quickly turned into a moan as Ryan slipped a hand into his pants and rubbed against him directly. His pants and underwear were quickly removed, and then Ryan’s hand was around him, and everything narrowed down to the pleasure and the flush running from Ryan’s face to his chest and the lust in his eyes and damn, Akmazian needed to get ahold of himself or this was gonna be over embarrassingly fast.

“Damn, Ryan... god... fuck me, that’s...”

“Do you want me to?” Akmazian’s breath caught. Had he heard that right?

“What?”

“Do you want me to? Fuck you?” Akmazian moaned and closed his eyes, trying to collect himself.

“Darlin’ I want you to do whatever you want to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Though maybe...” Akmazian reluctantly reached down to still Ryan’s hand. “Maybe slow down a little. I’m gettin’...”

“Oh, right, yeah.” Ryan pulled his hand away. “Don’t want this to be over before it starts,” he said with a breathy laugh. Akmazian hummed in agreement, simultaneously grateful for and mournful of the loss of contact. “So, um, did you want to...” Akmazian nodded, eyes wide.

“Please.” The look on Ryan’s face when Akmazian said it was, well, he seemed to like it. Akmazian filed that thought away for later.

“Right. Um, I should have stuff in one of my drawers. Just, uh, give me a sec, ok?” Akmazian nodded again. He watched as Ryan got up and walked over to the desk, and damn, even his back and shoulder muscles were toned. Maybe he needed to take up swimming himself. Ryan’s brow furrowed as he dug through the drawer. He closed it with an annoyed huff before opening another one, and looked over to the bed apologetically. “Sorry. I know they’re in here somewhere.” Akmazian waved a hand, trying to feign nonchalance with only mild success.

“Take your time.” It was a few seconds before Ryan triumphantly held up a condom and a bottle of lube.

"Ah-ha! I knew I had some in here." He walked back over to the bed and tossed them onto it. He started climbing up, but Akmazian put a hand on his shoulder.

"Um, darlin'? You're uh..." He glanced down, and Ryan followed his gaze.

"Right, pants."

"Yeah." Ryan stood back up and started pulling off the last of his clothes.

"Huh."

"What?"

"You really were in trouble the first time we met." Ryan laughed, and Akmazian grinned.

"Yeah, I really was."

"That was not a healthy color."

"Nooooo, no it was not."

"...It's nice." This time Ryan snorted.

"Thanks. You know my eyes are up here." Akmazian's grin turned into a smirk.

"I know." Ryan climbed back onto the bed, and leaned down to kiss that smirk off of Akmazian's face. It wasn't long before he was back in his previous position, this time with Akmazian's legs framing his hips. They both moaned at the first brush of their cocks against each other, the sound muffled by their kiss. They spent a few minutes like that, moving against each other, kissing, and enjoying the friction. Soon, though, Ryan pulled away, reaching back and fumbling for the lube and condom. His easy confidence seemed to fade once he had them though, and Akmazian grew concerned. “Everything ok, Ry?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, no I just...” His flush darkened. “I just, I’m still kinda new to, uh... this?” Akmazian blinked, confused. He knew Ryan wasn’t a virgin. They wouldn’t have met if he was, considering the circumstances. But was he really that inexperienced? “Or, not to this in general, just... It um, it wasn’t very long ago that I realized I wasn’t straight.”

Oh. Right.

“We- we don’t have to do this tonight, you know. If you don’t want to or don’t feel ready or-”

“No! No, I do. I just, want to make sure I’m doing this right, I guess?” Akmazian nodded.

“I could always get myself ready, if you like. Show you how it’s done, as it were.” Ryan nodded. Akmazian couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen someone blush so hard. He smiled and pulled Ryan in for a kiss. “No need to be embarrassed, darlin’,” he murmured when he pulled away. “Everything takes practice ‘til you get used to it.”

“I know. I just...” Ryan smiled awkwardly and shrugged. Akmazian smiled back.

“I understand. You wanna hand me that bottle?”

“Oh, yeah, here.” Akmazian tried to relax as he wetted his fingers, but it was difficult with Ryan staring at him like that; wide-eyed, flushed, biting his lip nervously... he somehow managed to look simultaneously adorable and irresistable. Luckily, Akmazian reminded himself, he wouldn’t have to resist for much longer. He reached down and ran a slick finger over his opening, taking a shuddering breath as he teased himself into readiness.

“Now the main thing,” he said, trying to keep his voice at least kind of steady, “is to just take it slow. Don’t wanna rush this kind of thing.”

“Right,” Ryan breathed out. Akmazian finally slipped the first finger in and stifled a moan. He heard Ryan take a shaky breath as he watched Akmazian slowly pump his finger in and out. When he added a second one, he wasn’t able to hold back a small groan. He quickly decided to avoid holding back any more when he saw Ryan’s cock twitch at the sound. It wasn’t long before he had a third finger inside himself, his hips twitching slightly towards his hand in desperation.

“Alright, darlin’,” he said, pulling his hand away. “I’m ready when you are.” Ryan nodded, seeming to shake off a little bit of a daze.

“Right, yeah, I... good, yes.” Akmazian couldn’t help but chuckle a little, and Ryan smiled at him in return. Ryan quickly opened the condom and rolled it on, giving himself a couple pumps for good measure. Akmazian’s mouth went dry at the sight. Then, Ryan was leaning over Akmazian, kissing him as his cock teased against his entrance. “Let me know if I’m going too fast or anything, ok?” he murmured against Akmazian’s mouth.

“‘Course,” Akmazian replied breathlessly, his hips canting up slightly. “Fuck, Ryan, please. I need-” He cut himself off with a low moan when he felt Ryan finally start to slip inside him. His pace was almost torturously slow, but Akmazian certainly wasn’t complaining. He could feel every centimeter as Ryan slid into him, and it felt like heaven. Ryan swore quietly above him, pleasure written across his face. Finally, he bottomed out, their hips pressed tightly together. They stayed like that for a few seconds, both adjusting to the sensation.

“You good?” Ryan asked after a moment, his voice breathy and slightly strained.

“More than. You... ya gotta move, baby, please...” Akmazian rolled his hips up, and Ryan moaned.

“Yeah, yeah...” He pulled out almost as slowly as he’d pushed in, before slipping back in again, his pace picking up a little. Soon they had a steady rhythm going, Akmazian meeting each of Ryan’s thrusts, both of them panting and letting out little whimpers and moans. Ryan shifted his angle slightly, and suddenly he was rubbing right against Akmazian’s prostate with each thrust.

“Fuck! Yes, god, right... right there, Ry. Just like that...”

“Yes... god, Ak, I... fuck, you’re so...” Ryan trailed off into incoherence, and pressed a series of kisses to Akmazian’s neck before biting down, starting work on another mark. The sudden feeling brought Akmazian close to the edge.

“Shit, Ry, I... ngh, ‘m getting close. Just... just need a little more, baby, please...” Ryan nodded.

“Yeah, me too. God, _Akmazian..._ ” He picked up the speed of his thrusts while Akmazian snaked a hand between them to help himself along. He only managed a couple strokes, though, before he felt Ryan’s hand cover his, stopping it. “No, let... let me...” Akmazian groaned and nodded, his eyes falling closed at the feeling of Ryan stroking his cock in time with his thrusts. It wasn’t another minute before he was coming, Ryan’s name on his lips. Ryan followed quickly, his hips stuttering before stilling entirely. Akmazian quickly decided that the sound that escaped Ryan’s lips in that moment was one of the best things he’d ever heard. They stayed there for a few seconds, catching their breath, before Ryan gingerly pulled out and rolled off to the side.

“Wow,” Ryan said quietly.

“Very wow,” Akmazian agreed.

“We should’ve done that sooner.” Akmazian let out a surprised laugh, shrugged slightly, and turned to look at him, grinning.

“I woulda been more than happy to, darlin’. Although, I do think it was worth the wait.” Ryan smiled and breathed out a laugh. One of his hands slid over to Akmazian’s. He lightly traced his palm for a moment before letting their fingers intertwine. That small gesture sent a wave of warmth through Akmazian, and he squeezed Ryan’s hand slightly, assuring himself that this was real. Ryan squeezed back, his expression blissfully relaxed. They laid there for a few minutes, enjoying the afterglow, before Ryan sighed and sat up.

“We should probably get cleaned up before we fall asleep.” Akmazian glanced down at the mess on his stomach and agreed. Ryan got up and took care of the condom before grabbing a washcloth from the bathroom and coming back over to the bed. Akmazian put his hand out for the cloth, but Ryan shook his head. “It’s fine, let me.” Akmazian hesitated, but laid back down, letting Ryan clean him up. Soon, Ryan was back in bed, his head resting on Akmazian’s shoulder, one hand resting on his chest, a leg thrown over one of his. Warm, comfortable, and tired out, it wasn’t long before both of them fell asleep.

 

 

The next morning, it was Akmazian who woke up first. Ryan was still curled against Akmazian, laying half on top of him. His warm, steady breaths against Akmazian’s skin, and the weight of him along Akmazian’s side were... nice. So damn nice. Akmazian hadn’t been in a real bed in a long time, and to be in Ryan’s bed? To be snuggled up together as comfy as could be, warm and well-rested after an incredible night together? How the hell had he gotten this lucky? He rested one of his hands on top of Ryan’s, while the other, wrapped around Ryan, caressed his shoulders. He looked down at the head of pink hair resting against him and smiled, leaning down to nuzzle against him. Ryan let out a small noise and unconsciously snuggled closer and damn, Akmazian could get used to this.

 _But you shouldn’t._ The thought creeped into his head, unbidden. _You shouldn’t get used to this. Enjoy it for now, sure. But there’s no way this is gonna last. You’re still a wanted fugitive, after all. Still hiding from The Alliance. The Alliance he’s an officer in._

 _**No.** _ Akmazian thought, responding to his doubts. _**I may be in hiding, but I’m innocent. Ryan knows I am. And we’re gonna prove it. And once we do, I’ll be free. I’ll be free, and Ryan and I will be able to live our lives however we like.** _ The voice in his head laughed at him.

_Sure, you may not be a terrorist, but you’re still a criminal. You’ve still hurt people. Killed people. Ryan spends his time saving lives. You spend yours making deals with the galaxy's most ruthless criminals. And you can’t do that and get out of it alive without becoming one yourself. He’s too good for you. He’s a million times too good for you, and he’ll realize that soon enough. And when he does, he’ll drop you like a hot rock and never look back._

_**He won’t,** _ Akmazian thought desperately. _**He wouldn’t. He knows. He knows who I am. The things I’ve done. The things I’ve had to do to survive. He knows all that, and he’s still here. Still right here in my arms. He still cares about me. Likes me. More than likes me.** _

_Are you sure about that?_

_**Yes. And once I’m proven innocent, I’ll work to be better. Better for him and me.** _

_The good deeds of the future don’t take away the sins of the past._

_**Maybe not. But I can try dammit.** _ Akmazian held Ryan a little tighter, and Ryan stirred, yawning. Akmazian could feel the faint brush of his eyelashes as his eyes blinked open. He could feel his smile, too, as he pressed a small kiss to Akmazian’s chest.

“‘Morning,” he said, voice still rough with sleep.

“Good mornin’ darlin’,” Akmazian replied, trying to will the anxiety off his face as Ryan turned his head to look up at him. He must not have done a very good job, because Ryan frowned a little when he saw Akmazian’s expression.

“Everything okay?” Akmazian flashed a smile that he hoped was convincing.

“Just peachy, darlin’.”

“You sure?”

“I can honestly say that I can’t remember the last time I was doin’ this good.” Ryan smiled a little at that.

“Alright, if you say so. You just looked like you were worrying about something. You know you can talk to me, right?”

“'Course, Ry.” Akmazian’s smile started to feel more genuine. The way Ryan was looking at him, still concerned, but with that sweet little smile on his face, his eyes so warm Akmazian swore he could feel it; it was the kind of smile that made it easy to push aside his doubts. If he could make Ryan smile like that, well, that sure as hell had to count for something.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: the IVs for hangovers is an actual thing I learned about from my EMT mother. Turns out you can actually pay to get one for a hangover in certain places which is kinda wild.
> 
> Anyways, if you liked this, please leave kudos and/or a comment! Your feedback sustains me.


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